I have no clue if anyone reads this anymore, considering it’s been about 5 months since I’ve said anything.  I think that’s because life became entirely depressing post Nov 17 (when I was laid off) and then I was in the big application push.  A lot has happened in that time.  I feel the need to update the blogosphere.

I went through an entirely long and ridiculous interview process with Large Financial Company to become a financial advisor.  It started in December and ended in early February.  That’s right.  I did it initially thinking I could fill time before grad school and also as a back up in case all my grad school dreams crashed and burned.  Plus I have experience in the financial world.  I really didn’t think I would get past step 5 out of 10, but apparently I knocked their socks off and they offered me the job.  I would have been making $50,000 next year, and if I worked hard enough, 100k by year three.  Maybe when I’m writing my dissertation I’ll start kicking myself, although I don’t think so, because there’s a good chance that the FA job would’ve sucked what is left of my soul directly out of my body.  Incidentally, I found out I got into a grad school a few days after the job offer, so I ultimately turned them down.  My budget is crying, but hey, I couldn’t afford to pay back training costs (75k) in the (100% likely) chance I would peace out soon, I wouldn’t really be into it (and it’s a job that requires absolute dedication which I would’ve had if I didn’t have grad school to look forward to), and I would have to give up my FA license anyway.  Sorry, BFC.  The regional hiring manager actually called me today.  He wanted to know exactly why I turned down the job because he looked at my record and the remarks of the people at BFC that talked to me and thought that I would make a kick-ass FA.  (I would.)  I told him that being an FA was more of a backup plan in case of grad school not working out, and he understood.   We had a really congenial conversation, and he told me it was good that I was “following my heart” but he still thinks I would make a kick-ass FA.  He said the job would be around later if I wanted it.  Sweet.  The regional VP at the company I still work for said the same thing.  He was like, “No, DO NOT go work for BFC.  If you want to be in this business, you will be working for us.  Come back after grad school and work for me if you want.”  Then I asked him for more hours and he said yes.

Well, at least I know that if the tenure track, adjunct, community college and private high school job markets totally kick my ass that I have somewhere to go.  Will contacts still be fresh in 7 years?  I hope I don’t have to worry about that.  Is this what networking is?  I feel like I should feel so accomplished at this point but yet I have nothing to show for it.  Taking a year off was possibly very, very stupid.  Perhaps existentially wise, but practically, very stupid.

Aaaaandddd the grad school thing.

I submitted my last application on Feb 1 (for James Madison).  All in all, I submitted 8 applications, two of which were totally last minute.  Here’s the rundown for them:

Ohio State- Deadline 12/15- #1 person on the wait list.  I got a funding package of ~$14k plus Graduate Teaching Associateship plus 85% subsidized health insurance.  I’m praying that JUST ONE person turns down their offer so that I will officially be admitted.  I currently have Georgia making animal sacrifices to acheive such a result.

Michigan State- Deadline 12/15- Admitted!!! with funding package of ~$12k plus unionized Graduate Assistantship plus 100% subsidized health insurance plus frigid winters.  They were the first school to accept me.  I cried.  They invited me to visit and paid for most of it.  When they were talking about the program, I was inwardly saying “That is exactly what I want in a grad school.”  I’m kind of torn now.  But I guess Ohio has to actually admit me before I can really be torn.

Georgetown- Deadline 1/5- No word.  I applied to this school for a totally stupid reason, I’m willing to admit now.  Don’t ask.  I thought living in DC would be cool (although that’s not the reason).  I’m totally kicking myself now because that app was expensive, yo!  Plus thegradcafe says people have already been accepted so I’m probably not in.  Don’t care.  They don’t have a Ph.D.  Oh well.

UIllinois Urbana-Champaign- deadline I think 1/15- Rejected.  I got an email from them like 10 days before the deadline saying I could apply for free.  So I did.  But I totally missed the part where they said you have to take the Subject Test.  I haven’t taken the Subject Test, nor do I evah, evah want to.  I got an email from them a few weeks later saying so, um, your GRE scores?  I replied saying so, um, I sent them?  They replied saying um, no, your Subject Test scores.  I replied back saying, sorry didn’t take that, I’m retarded.  Obviously I didn’t get admitted.  I don’t think I would have anyway, seeing as how no one else ranked from 1-32 wants me.  No biggie.  It was free.

Vanderbilt- deadline 1/17- Rejected.  This was also last-minute, because somebody told me that the app was free.  So I was like, why not?  Between getting one of my M.I.A. profs to submit his rec letter last minute and generally applying last minute, I didn’t think much of it.  I’m just kind of like, really?  because they sent me the rejection email, then 8 days later another rejection email, and then a letter today saying “sorry about those double rejection emails.”  You really needed to send me a letter saying that?  When I saw it in the mail I thought, well, here’s the official rejection, as if two isn’t enough.  Bitches.

Penn State- deadline 1/15- no official word.  this is the highest-ranked program I applied to (non last minute anyway).  I haven’t heard from them, and fellow anxious people like myself on thegradcafe told me they’ve already made their offers.  They’re probably taking their sweet time to reject me.  Not a big deal.  I hate Pennsylvania.

Purdue- deadline 1/15- no word.  My gradcafe people are all freaking out about this just like me.  NO ONE has heard anything yet.  They haven’t even made initial offers.  According to last year’s stats, it appears as though they don’t make their decision until after the national deadline.  Do I really want to go to this school?  It was initially my top (top of what I thought I could realistically get into) school.  Honestly, I’m not freaking out because I really like MSU and everyone else can just kiss my butt.  But seriously, Purdue, can’t you get a freaking move on so we can all move on with our lives.  You’re holding up this huge chain of people, which seismically effects the rest of the grad school app pool.  Seriously.  I can’t make my decision til you tell me something!

James Madison- deadline 2/1-  Accepted.  This was my back up school.  I was accepted about 15 days after submission of my app which surprised me.  However, it’s just an M.A. and they didn’t offer me any funding.  I would’ve had to seek funding sources outside of my field which is just completely out of the question.  They were seriously asking me to try to get the marketing GA position with sports people.  I mean, for real?  It’s a good program, it’s just that they don’t have the resources they probably need.  I’ve already emailed them to turn down the offer.

So for now, it looks like MSU unless Purdue gets their act together or someone accepted at Ohio State kicks it.  I’m totally fine with that.  Because MSU was awesome.  Plus there are profs there who are *excited* to work with me.  Could a girl ask for more?  Well, maybe more $$.

Does anyone still read this?

Ugh.  Between working full time, studying for and worrying about the GRE, and ramping up the volunteer work for the election, I’m fricking exhausted.  The past two weeks have been far from relaxing, and I’m just ready to spend a day zoning out.

I usually get home from work around 6 pm.  I make dinner and relax, which takes another hour, and then I have a few hours to get done whatever needs doing.  Last week, I was studying for the GRE, and then on the weekend, I was canvassing and filling out my grad school applications.  Sunday was spent church-going, grocery shopping, and dating.  The guy I’m dating and I went to see Religulous, and then we went to dinner at the local Indian restaurant and talked about it.  Even though our worldviews are not quite what one would call in agreement, we agreed on our response to the movie and probably ended up respecting each other more.  I really enjoy spending time with this guy.  The weekend flew by, and then this week flew by even faster.  On Monday, I basically did nothing after I got home and then went to volunteer training for the Obama rally which was going to be on Tuesday night.  It was so effing long because the leaders felt like they had to say everything five times.  Then on Tuesday, I left work early for the rally.  I got there and tried to find my group, and once again my leader felt like he had to say the same things we talked about the night before five more times.  It ended up being worth though, because I got to sit really close and I got to hear Barack Obama.  It was pretty fricking awesome, actually.  The energy in the crowd was really great, and everything was really positive.  The only downside was that it took up my whole night.  Last night was shot too.  I really only accomplished making a few volunteer recruiting calls and going to the Precinct Captain meeting.  Tonight I took another practice test.  I tried doing it on the computer with the prep software that ETS sent to me, but apparently it doesn’t work with Vista, so I couldn’t practice on the computer.  I did the written test in my book instead.  To be honest, I’m not really encouraged by the results.  I hope I do better on the actual test day, but my ability to focus is non-existent.  I’ll keep working, and I’ll do my best.  That’s all I can do.  I really don’t think that hardcore studying would make a difference because the problem is in my focusing disability.  But when you stare at a computer screen at work a lot during the day, it’s hard to do that more for a test.  Plus I think my vision is getting worse and I don’t have health insurance.  So it looks like I’ll have poor vision for the indefinite future.

This week is, of course, election week, and I’m taking the GRE on Saturday.  Sunday is canvassing, Monday is work and more volunteering, and then Tuesday is the massive canvassing blitz.  I’m just hoping I can get enough people who actually give a shit to help me.  There will be out-of-staters, and I’m sure other people are calling too, but I just hope I can get a lot of people by myself.  There’s also the question of who I’m going to party with on Saturday night.  Because there needs to be alcohol and people and non-thought.  The alcohol will be for either devastation or satisfaction.  So we’ll see.

I’m exhausted and I need to do a little more studying before bed.

Today I got home from church, and my neighbor asked me if I wanted to go to the shooting range.  My answer was pretty much “heck yes,” so we went and I got to shoot a rifle and a Glock.  Admittedly, I was a little nervous, this being my first time shooting and all, so I was a little shaky.  I didn’t do half bad.  The rifle was way easier to shoot because it had barely any kickback.  The Glock, though, was pretty intense.  I have to get the hang of pulling the trigger vs. squeezing the trigger (squeezing being the best way) so that the gun doesn’t move as much when it fires.  I think that would probably be a good way of relieving stress, although I have zero plans to actually get a gun or anything.  We bought three paper targets that you hang up for shooting out of about eight choices.  Some are just shapes of people, and others are pictures of actual people.  The worst one was a picture of a Muslim-looking man, which I thought was pretty offensive.  I would have problems with someone shooting at that.  Um, racist much?

We also learned that our neighbor’s sketchy roommate (who responded to an ad he put up for a roommate- dumb, I know) is doing heroin.  So we helped him move out today.  He was going to move out at the end of the month, just upstairs with one of our other neighbors, but he decided that this is it; he can’t wait anymore.  I don’t blame him because that’s pretty messed up.  So it’s great to know now that we have a junkie for a neighbor. 

Then I was on my way to the grocery store when I came across a homeless guy.  I walk to the grocery store because it’s seriously a block away, and there are a lot of homeless people in this area.  As I was walking by, one of them asked me if I could help him out.  So I said that I was on the way to the grocery store and that I would get him something.  It was kinda funny, because he was like, “get me some spare ribs!  And if you can’t find that, get me some chicken!”  I ended up getting him ready-to-eat chicken, and when I came back out, he was fast asleep, so I just put them by his backpack.  I hope he found them and ate them.  I found the whole situation kind of amusing, especially the spare ribs part.  I’m just glad he was asleep so he couldn’t follow me home or something.

We also found a tiny stray kitten out back of our apartments.  It was solid grey and so little and cute that I wished I wasn’t allergic to cats so that I could adopt it.  We tried to find one of our neighbors to adopt it, but I’m not sure that any did want to.  We called animal control, and hopefully the cat is taken care of.

I’m making pumpkin bread today, so we’ll see how that turns out.  I hope it’s good because it’s fall and I need some pumpkin.

Besides letting you know that my curly hair looks *amazing* today, there’s actually quite a bit going on in my life lately.

Job:  Although I am not officially hired full time yet, they are extending my contract, which was supposed to end next Tuesday and which was entirely scary.  The VP hasn’t been in the office for a while, and he’s at a funeral this weekend, so I’m sure they’re still working on getting him to make the decision.  I hope they make it like, Monday, so I stop worrying.  The good thing is that they want me around, and they taught me their filing system on Friday, so I’ll have that to do.  The last seminar is coming this Wednesday, and I am at a personal record for confirmed reservations.  I worked my butt off at that job despite its tremendous tediousness so that I could get a chance for full time.  The job market being what it is, I’ll take anything.  I’m so glad they’re not pushing me out the door right about now. 

I’m also applying at a big, fancy restaurant, and my second round of interviews is on Monday.  I hope I get it so that I can have some supplemental cash.  Let’s face it:  I’m hurting for money, and I owe money to about 80 people. 

The most noticable change in my person as a result of not having any money is that I can be completely satisfied with not having it.  I mean, the not being able to pay bills on time or at all is not fun at all.  But I’m talking about the not being able to buy anything extra.  I occasionally eat out, and I occasionally buy something that I really need, but I haven’t gone shopping in a long, long time.  I think I’ve been avoiding it because I thought it would be depressing, but the other weekend when my dad was here, we went shopping, and I had zero desire to buy anything.  Usually when I go shopping, I find a ton of things that I really want, but I didn’t want a single thing.  I kinda like being simple and not buying a ton of crap now.  It’s not that I was totally consumer-minded before, and it’s not as if I’ve never had to deal with money problems, but I used to really like going shopping, and I would impulse buy a lot.  I don’t do that anymore.  It’s nice.  That said, though, I need to make more money so I can pay all my bills.  This is key.  And I still miss buying books.

Car:  More worries with that POS.  My steering wheel is now vibrating pretty badly, the degree depending on the speed that I’m going.  It gets really bad at 45 mph and then tapers off in each speed direction.  I’m worried it has something to do with the last time I got my car fixed, and they had to fiddle with the engine then.  With my luck, they probably screwed something up.  This means, that even if I do get hired full time at my job, it wouldn’t really matter if the car breaks down because I wouldn’t be able to get there.  I suppose I could try carpooling or some commuter service or something.  But this worries me because there’s no way I could get another car right now.  Since I don’t have the money to fix it right now, I’m just hoping it doesn’t blow up soon.  But for all the money I’ve put in that car, foregoing things like buying a new bed, paying bills, etc, I just want the thing to work longer than a month before something new happens.  Seriously.

Grad School:  I’m taking the GRE on November 1st, and I’ve been studying for it.  Studying discourages me, becuase I suck at math and at analogies.  I’m going to have to go hard core on the analogies.  I always get a perfect score on finishing sentences.  Go figure.  I had to forego taking the Subject Test because I couldn’t afford it when it came time to register, and my parents couldn’t help me.  My dad is already helping me pay off my school bill so I can get transcripts.  Alas, the GRE subject test was lower on the priority list than the general GRE and getting my transcripts.  So it had to go.  I was really upset about this for a while because it means that I can’t apply to Indiana.  Then again, I didn’t really think that I would get in anyway.  But now that it’s over and I’m finished freaking out about it, it’s not so bad.  I would be just as happy with the other schools I’m applying to.  This could be due to lack of planning on my part, but in the end it is what it is.  I’m not sure if I want all that pressure anyway.  I’m kind of settling on the idea that being super girl is just not my thing.  Purdue would be just as good, so would Penn State and Ohio State.  And the truth is, I don’t think I would get funded at Indiana even if I did get in, so I couldn’t have gone there anyway.  So there’s no use going into debt for a pipe dream.  It would’ve been cool to find out if I could have, though.  But there’s always the Ph.D.

My eye is looking almost normal again and me and the bike have resumed normal relations.  I’m just a sucker for early twilight bike rides through Botetourt Gardens.  It’s my daily constitutional, as I’ve deemed it, to the amusement of Roommate.  I think she called me Thomas Jefferson the other day.

This morning I cavassed for the Obama campaign again, and it was really close to where I live.  I did it by myself this time, which was kinda lonely, but whatever.  Only about 5 people showed up, so they couldn’t really do partners and cover as much ground.  I got a freaking workout because I was in a ton of apartment buildings and so I worked my legs going up and down the stairs.  Plus it was hotter out than it has been lately.  No breaking into nursing homes this time.  I’ve volunteered for them quite a bit, so they asked me to be captain for my precinct.  I’m gonna do it.  I know that’s just too dedicated for most of you, because somehow Christians aren’t supposed to be serious about politics, they should be above it, especially when it comes to the Dem party.  I also know that this will get me accusations of Obama worship, which is so far from the truth it isn’t even funny.  But what’s wrong with being inspired with a candidate anyway?  I really don’t get most of it.  Oh well.  I’m precinct captain, so I’ll be organizing all the volunteers in my precinct and working really hard during the get out the vote time.  I figure that public service is a good way to go during this time in my life, because I’m not really committed to much else.  It’s just how I am, I need to be involved, and since I’m not in school anymore, my activity level has dipped significantly.  The organizer at today’s canvassing saw that I went to my undergrad instution because of my email, and we had a little conversation about that.  Apparently they closed class for a day for voter registration?  Seriously?  Oh man.  Sometimes my school is crazy.  I got their email about that, and I just rolled my eyes.  I think they are predicting dire consequences and Communism if Obama gets elected.  Well, he’s gonna get elected.  Have you seen the polls?

Now I’m going to finish writing for a lit mag and then go home and clean the apartment.

Even though International Talk Like a Pirate Day was several days ago, there couldn’t be a more appropriate time to talk like one.  Nor’easters are worse than hurricanes, and we are currently being hit by one.  I mean, my bedroom window didn’t leak when Hanna came through.

This morning was rather harrowing.  I woke up extra early because I knew there would be about 5 times the regular amount of accident on the interstate, and I didn’t want to be late.  About 20 mins before I was supposed to leave, the dripping began.  I walked in my room and heard the noise and noticed that my window sill was wet.  The window was leaking from the top of the windowsill, not in some seam or something.  It seemed serious.  But, all I could do was put a towel there and call my landlord when I got to work.  Of course, he would have to wait until the storm was over.  I was terrified I would get home and there would be a puddle or a gaping hole.  I was right about the puddle part, because the towel was soaked through by the time I got home at 6, and the carpet was wet, as well as my rug, which looks like it will hold a permanent stain.  Dammit.

Getting to work was equally as bad, considering that a major road was flooded, and everyone had to slow way down so their cars wouldn’t stall when they attempted to drive through.  Getting across the bridge was bad, and the whole bay looked scary, high, and foggy.  I had to hold onto my steering wheel for dear life so I wouldn’t get blown off the freaking bridge.  Happily, everyone decided to drive slowly like sane people and I didn’t run into any accidents.  The wind is ridiculous, and there are so many places that are flooded because of high tides and backed up drains.  I really want this to be over for my own sanity and because my dad is coming to visit this weekend.  Thankfully, he’s not flying into the local airport, but bad weather is just all around yucky.  The place where I usually ride my bike (also where I crashed) is flooded, not that I’d be riding it today.  Just when fall was starting to get lovely, we have to have a stupid storm.

Oh well, I’ll just hope that my bedroom doesn’t become the next wading pool and tonight is the season premier of Grey’s Anatomy, so I’ll live.

I have to go clean my disgusting apartment for my dad’s visit.

So I hope I didn’t majorly screw anything up today.

The receptionist at the financial company where I work is out this week on vacation, and so I am filling in for her up in the front.  I do what I normally do, just less of it, and I also answer phones and transfer calls and what not, and I make small talk with the clients who come in for appointments.  I stay until 5 because they need me.  I also watch CNBC on the 42-inch widescreen in the reception area.  Today Bernanke and Paulson were on the screen all freaking day long.  You can imagine it’s been interesting working at a financial company during this whole mess.  I’ve been learning a lot from being there and from listening to NPR on the way to and from work.  NPR is freaking awesome despite its pretentiousness.  Anyway, my supervisor told me today that she is pushing giving me a full-time job there to the regional VP.  He mentioned something about it today when the Marketing VP came in today.  She said she could really use my help.

Please, please, please let me get this job!

It would be fantastic because it’s a good company, I love the people I work with, and I just like the job.  Seems like there’s no other jobs to be found, so this could be a life saver.  I’m PRAYING TO GOD that the VP says yes and lets me stay with the company.  He keeps saying I’m doing an awesome job, so hopefully that translates into “you can have the job.”  I might even be able to get *health benefits*.  I hope.  Hope hope.

In other news, there’s a Nor’easter blowing through here.  When I cross the bridge, it’s kinda scary, especially when I emerge from the tunnel.  I have to hold onto my steering wheel tightly.  This only means less biking, which is sad, although I do need to heal from my recent accident.  The bruise around my eye is yellowing, and the one on my leg just seems to be getting more purple.

Can someone tell me how to get an effing job?  Because no one is responding to my resumes.  I think I might just give up on the “real” job thing and just waitress.  At least I could pay the bills.  I mean, I’m going into my retirement savings for crap’s sake, just so I can pay the bills.  There’s also that pesky thing called feeding myself, which seems like more of a luxury.  And as a result of all this financial turmoil, even my stocks are losing money.  I’m so effing screwed, I’m not kidding.  Money is awful.  I really would rather not go back to the 24-hour diner thing again, but I’m desperate.  I’ll take the first thing that moves.  Would it be too much to ask for a little enjoyment with that too?  Seriously, though, I have a college degree.  Why is it not working out for me?  But when you’re worried about how you’re going to fill your tank, it’s hard to feel agressive and run after jobs- because that takes gas.  And sending resumes by email and internet surely isn’t working.

I did splurge on something though.  I bought a bike because it brings me joy.  I think there’s nothing better than riding a bike, and so, even in the midst of the bleakest time of my life as far as survival goes, I can at least go out and enjoy something, because I surely can’t enjoy things like movies and dining and beer anymore.  But it doesn’t help when I wipe out on said bike and bend my glasses and have to worry about possibly replacing them, even though this doesn’t seem like a high possibility right now.  I think the worst part about being on my own is that I constantly have money on my mind.  It won’t leave me alone.  It trails me in my sleep and sucks the life out of me.

The worst part about all this is that I end up being a moocher and feeling pathetic, loserish, like a failure, and really whiny.  Which I am, all of the above.

Oh, and I still haven’t paid my car tax.

So here’s to me, the broke loser.

I think I need to break out from the repeated posts about money and talk about how I broke into a retirement home today while I was canvassing for the Obama campaign.

Today I got a letter in the mail from the city government saying that I owe them $26 in property tax on my car.  The assessed value of my car is $800, which I find funny.  This is less money than I have spent on car repairs in the past 6 months.  I will not argue, though, because less value equals less taxes.  Also, my car is getting fixed this weekend and it was less extreme than we originally thought.  But seriously.  Taxes?

About a week ago, my car started making this awful rattling noise when it was idling.  Turns out I need a new timing belt, which can get expensive if they have to take the engine out to fix it.  Luckily, my co-worker’s boyfriend is a mechanic, and we went over there after work last Friday to diagnose the problem.  I’m taking it to get fixed this weekend while my mom is here, and I’ll just drive her car to work on Friday.  The problem is, I DO NOT HAVE THIS MONEY.  God only knows where it’s coming from at this point.  Honestly.  I think I’m going to have to dig into the stock fund.  Oy.

Here’s the tally of what I have spent on my car so far this year:

new bumper: $150
new starter and repair of rear brake adjustor: $350
inspection, including new tie rods, new brake adjustor (the first guys screwed it up), new motor mounts: $575
timing belt: $350

Honestly, I just want to ride a bike the rest of my life.  If I can get a job closer to home, this would be possible.  Right now, driving 25 both ways to work every day is killing me.  I worked out a deal with my employer where I only come in to work for four days a week but still work the same hours.  This is a good thing.

Other than being so broke that I haven’t bought groceries since I moved here a month ago, I’m actually really enjoying my life.  I walk to church on Sundays, and I walk to the coffee shop to read and write, and I walk pretty much everywhere else.  The only place I drive is to work.  It’s really nice to have all this free time.  I really love where I live, and I’ve met some interesting people.  My neighbor and his friends and I went out last Friday night and had a really great time. 

Now if I could just earn some more money…